Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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