So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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