Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
