Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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