mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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