I hate your face
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
