I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
