You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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