sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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