Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize