I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
