All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...