I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's just like the Real World with babies
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.