can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good thing I've started drinking again
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.