I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"