mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
