So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
