1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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