I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
