best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
