it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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