My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
