Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is the high leading the old right now
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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