I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
