you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I came so hard my ears popped.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
