What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
