Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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