the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
