Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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