What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
