If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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