She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
