so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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