watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
