Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
