sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
