The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
