remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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