I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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