If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
