well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
