My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
