Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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