After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
