YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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