I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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