He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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