By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
