you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
