My sheets look like a crime scene.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
