He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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