it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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