Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize