i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
