I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
