Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
