i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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