Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
